7 Stupid Ways to Make Christmas Vacation Awkward

     Ah, Christmas. Now we're all out of school, on our way to visit family, watching Christmas movies, drinking cocoa, eating food, going to church services that take place at unnecessary times, wearing hideous sweaters... We all probably do this exact same stuff EVERY year. Even if you're Jewish and celebrate Hanukkah, right? Well how about we mix it up this year?
 

     1. Play an instrument? Going to be with a bunch of family? Well, the first way to make things awkward- Sing Santa Baby everywhere you go. It has to be one of the awkwardest Christmas songs there is. Bonus points if you serenade someone!
     2. Get a mistletoe and pull it out at very inconvenient times. Wiggle it above some one's head. When they look at you, raise your eyebrows up and down really creepishly while smiling.
     3. When you see two strangers standing side by side, go in between them and grab their hands. Begin rocking side to side singing "Fahoo forest, dahoo dorest, welcome Christmas time is here...Welcome, welcome fahoo, rahoo..." (I don't know the exact lyrics so I'm sorry if that's wrong)
     4.Decorate with posters of Tiny Tim being festive. He was actually a pretty scary man, so this is pretty creepy. If you've heard that song that's like "Tiptoe through the window, in the garden, by the windmill, oh tiptoe through the tulips with meeeee..........AAAAAAaaaaahhh!!!" then you know who he is. They play that song on Spongebob in the first episode.

     5. Make gingerbread men that look like how you see your family members. Then put on a puppet show with them for your family that's totally random and features one of your family members as an orthodontist who thinks the Earth is a flat trapezoid that's made out of ice.
     6. Make a cup of hot cocoa and offer it to a family member while they're using the bathroom. Then insist on coming in and giving it to them right that moment when they say no. With a candy cane.
     7. Put on an ugly sweater and reindeer antlers with jingle bells on them and roller skate up and down your street banging a triangle (the instrument).
    

I originally had ten but the other three are REALLY lame. I shall be posting more stupid holiday posts so check back tomorrow! Happy holidays, brothers.
  

So fake?

     Lately I have been feeling really weird about myself. I just BARELY became okay with myself and then some stupid boy I go to school with called me ugly and ever since then I've been really upset. Mostly because I don't have highest self esteem as it is. I had a few guy friends/acquaintances who knew why I was upset and they spent some time trying to convince me not to listen to one person's opinion. They are right, and I got to thinking. What I was thinking is "hey, at least I'm real. Real girls are harder to find these days."  A lot of girls wear a TON of makeup. I think it's ridiculous. Of course it's ok to wear makeup but THAT MUCH?! The other thing I was thinking is that everyone IS beautiful. Some people are going to think you're ugly, some are going to think you're hot, some are gonna think you are adorable. It doesn't matter what other people think though.
 
     Just have fun and live life. If you know me in person, you know how weird I am. I just don't care what people think of my ideas... for the most part. All in all, you deserve to be happy no matter who you are and you shouldn't let one person's opinion ruin your happiness. Be who you want but stay true to yourself.

     For all you others out there, especially girls, remember that what matters is your character and what YOU think of yourself! So that's what I've learned this week. I promise that my next post (which will possibly magically appear tomorrow or the next day) will not be boring! Check back within the next couple days. I'm going on Christmas break so I'll be wasting a lot more time on the Internet and have more time to share my pointless adventures that take place on the Internet and in the real world.
 MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Dan and Phil

*To begin with... holy cow, guys. I've gotten like 203 page views in like 2 days. It's most likely my Ashtyn and Friends crew... I love you too, Charlie, Ashtini and whichever other 24 members of us read this* Since I have not written about anything interesting since summer, I thought I would inform you about the Ashtyn and Friends' latest obsession

      My amazing group/subculture/cult of 24 of my closest friends... Even though a couple of them are just internet buddies. We have been addicted (mostly us girls) to the boys from the YouTube channel "Danisnotonfire". And of course "AmazingPhil".

     They are two randomly awesome British dudes who I literally have a six pack from laughing so hard at their videos. They kind of remind me of Ashlyn and I (Steak Sauce, as in previous posts).

     I have no idea how old they are (I'm guessing like...18,19,20? Or something) but I do admit. They are pretty attractive. And hilarious. They both have really pretty eyes, and their hair is "accidentally cool" as my friend Ashtyn describes it. Her, my friend Jill and I spent about 3 hours on Sunday just watching their videos.

     I love the Truth or Dare videos that Dan does. "I dare you to eat a banana *flips over paper*....seductively." GOOD TIMES.

"What's your favorite onomatopoeia?" "...Microwave" "That's not an ono-" "--Yes it is!"

Phil has this obsession with lions (like this little stuffed one) and he thinks that every animal makes this creepy noise that I wish there was an onomatopoeia for (unless there is and I don't know about it). It's something like "OWAHGUEBDGHVJOQQQQUAAA" .... It's also adorably entertaining when they say the word "zebra". Mostly because of the British accents. Another random thing about Dan and Phil is that they use the "your mom" comeback to EVERYTHING.

They are also always drawing cat whiskers on their faces. Like this (pic above. Dan is on the left, Phil is the one on the right).
SO if you haven't seen any of their videos or you have never even heard of them... Click here...or here...or here...or here.
Please watch them. You won't regret it. I promise.

P.S. For some reason Blogspot's spellcheck isn't working, so if I made any grammar, punctuation, or spelling mistakes, please forgive me.

Rooster Prank

Supplies:

• 1-3 friends
• A big box
• wrapping paper of some sort
• A rooster
• (optional) rooster cage

     So, back in 6th grade, my friends and I wanted to do something memorable that was a little insane and we could possibly get in trouble for. It was almost April and we decided to pull and April Fools Day prank on our teacher. We decided to put a turkey (yes, live and everything) in the classroom as a present to  the teacher. We couldn't find a turkey, however, our friend McKenna's grandparents had a rooster that they were trying to get rid of.
    
     McKenna got us the rooster and it was the most perfect thing ever. We named it Toast so we could talk about it and the teacher wouldn't know what we were talking about.

     Directions:

1. Find rooster
2. Put it in a big box (don't do this til the morning of the prank!)
3. Decorate the box so it looks like a big present. Make sure to cut a square breathing hole somewhere so that the rooster doesn't die.
4. Get to school before the teacher does. (Teachers like getting to school about an half an hour to an hour before school. Unless there's a faculty meeting)
5. Find some other person that works at the school that is willing to unlock the classroom door for you (Tell them it's just an Easter present...it worked for us)
6. Put the box by the teacher's desk. Make sure to leave a "To:____" sign but don't say who it's from.
7. Sneak out and hide out somewhere until other people get to school. Don't get caught sneaking around or it will give it away and don't tell any of your classmates.

     The morning bell rang and we all sat and did our assignments. For some reason we had a different teacher, which worried us. It turns out they were trying to prank us (lame prank...). Our real teacher came in and saw the box but didn't open  it yet.

    We were all sitting there and the rooster started cocka-doodle-do-ing. Everyone looked at each other weird. Apparently it could be heard throughout the school too haha. Finally the teacher opened it and BAM there was a rooster! She was SO confused but she laughed. We even got a picture of her face. The rest of a day we had the rooster wandering around and cocka-doodle-do-ing. It was the best April Fools day ever. I highly recommend this haha but make sure you have an easy going teacher that isn't allergic to roosters. If it's even possible to be allergic to roosters...

Cube the Goldfish

     11/11/11 11:11... supposed to be the luckiest day and time ever, right? WRONG. Last Friday my boyfriend of 9 months and I broke up. It was the worst thing ever. To the point I was so upset I started spitting up blood from my nose trying to bleed and it being in my throat. 11:11 PM was really weird that night. I know I wasn't the only one who felt it because a lot of my Facebook friends say they felt it too. It was like time slowed down for the minute and I got this really weird and....shiny... feeling in my stomach.

     I also thought it was pretty ironic how it seems like a lot of people had bad days on 11/11/11. I also refreshed my FB  home page on my iPod and found it very entertaining that every single status was "Make a wish" haha.

     Anyways, I was so depressed that the next day I was supposed to hang out with a few of my friends. Steak Sauce, Maren and Danielle. (Like how I say everyone's name except Steak Sauce's? Idk why I do that... it just fits her) I was sick. I was sad. And I wanted to be alone. I told them that but they didn't let that stop them. Around 7 PM I got another text message from Danielle that said "go outside and look at the starsssss." Whenever she texts me that it means that she walked to my house to do something creepy.

     My mom answered the door and there were Maren, Steak Sauce, and Danielle standing on my door step holding this ghetto Tupperware water jug, a giant piece of green construction paper and... baby food? Inside the water jug was a gold fish. Why did they put it inside that? I have no idea but whatever. The green construction paper was supposed to be a giant card, but knowing my friends, I knew it had to be something weird. On the front, written in pen, it said "Thank you!" Then I opened up and in smaller letters it said "...very much."

     So my friends randomly cheered me up with a goldfish. They named him Cube Gerber Stuffing after being at Walmart and seeing a box that said "cube stuffing" on it and they decided he needed a middle name. Which is Gerber and the reason they got the baby food. Oh ya, I almost forgot. On Cube's ghetto water jug, they decorated it with those jelly stickers. Party hat ones. And it says "It's a party!" on it. `
 Enjoy these other pictures of Cube and such...

Just an average trip to Walmart <3

Cube(d) Gerber Stuffing is adorable.

Misadenturousness

     I made this graph to represent how much I suck at blogging. Maybe I should equally divide these up. Inspirational, useful. random stories and maybe a rant here and there. I'm starting tonight! But what should I talk about?

    Random Crap:
- My best guy friend's girlfriend makes me feel hideous. I hate it :|
-My friend Chriswell (that's his last name. I don't call him by his first name) gave me a pair of airplane head phones. I'm secretly keeping them incase I'm on an airplane and headphoneless.
-My mom's cousin's dog is freaking me out right now. It's 9 PM and he's sitting in front of me looking around as if he's very concerned. Apparently animals can see things humans can't.
-The other night I was watching The Dead Files. Apparently dolls were created to house spirits. Which makes sense because they're figures with nothing inside. I have always hated dolls.

My best friend got married in my kitchen... well, not really but still...

     After spending all day stuck in a corn maze with 5 of my friends, I had this insane dream. Well, it's insane for me... I don't really want Steak Sauce (you all remember her, my random foreign audience from Russia) to get married yet. TOO young D:

     It all started out, we were at this place with stacks of hay surrounding us and everyone was just kinda chillin' on blankets waiting for a guy to come out with a light saber. I looked behind me and saw my friend Matt (other best friend. Love that boy.) sitting there and he had his hair done REALLY weird. It was dyed back to blond and he had it parted down the middle and across and gelled up the hair so there was 4 horns of hair. He smiled and said hi.

     After the weird jousting competition or whatever it was, Steak Sauce and I were at my house. We were in my parents' room and her mom was in my mom and dad's bed. Steak Sauce and I were in there talking to her mom about this wedding. Her mom said to me "Would you be willing to pick up Charlie?" "MOM! THAT'S EMBARRASSING! STOP IT!" Steak Sauce yelled. 

"Well who did you want to invite? Charlie and Ron Weasley's 3rd or...7th brother?" her mom said.

Anyways, it went on like this for a while. The next thing I know, I'm in knee high fur boots and a hideous dress and Steak Sauce is in this metallic tank top and a skirt. She had on heels so you could see her toes and her toe nails were supposedly painted purple but they looked like coral pink to everyone else, which she was not happy about. It was a wedding in my kitchen.

     Everyone at the wedding was sitting in those rocking banana chair things that I remember my babysitter getting mad at me for tipping over on my back when I was little...

     So Steak Sauce and her boyfriend Tyler were getting married in my kitchen. Afterwards the reception was just everyone sitting in the living room talking about our problems.

     After the wedding, I felt the need to transfer to New Horizons Alternative High School. Which is this high school for teen moms and a lot of times the juvenile delinquents. I'm not pregnant, and I've never done anything illegal so I'm not sure why I was here. Matt went here (in this dream) and he's a good kid too so I don't know why he was there. He always dressed in a button up polo shirt and khaki shorts like my old private school made the boys dress.

That's pretty much it... o.O love you guys. Rock on, Russia... And Korea! Jennifer's in Korea >:) I have random viewers...

My Little Korean Friend

     Meet Jennifer. My unbiological daughter (note the UN at the beginning of biological. Of course I have never given birth.) and one of the most fascinating young women I have met. This girl has lived in 5 different countries including Germany, Japan, America, and her homeland, South Korea. She also speaks 8 different languages.

     I met Jennifer in my first hour P.E. class in 8th grade. At first I thought she was a little strange, being about a year younger than me, but then I came to know her. Jennifer has lived quite a life and I see her as a lucky person getting to see so much of the world at such a young age. She has friends from all around the world and somehow still keeps in contact with all of them.  After recently moving back to Korea, it has been really rare that her and I talk in live time now.

     If you knew Jennifer, the very first thing you would find out about her is she LOVES to take pictures. When she still lived in America she wouldn't stop taking pictures of EVERYTHING we did! She ALWAYS has a camera! Even when you think she doesn't. She's also a fun spirit and has a great sense of humor...and a TON of stories to tell.

          RANDOM FACTS ABOUT MY "DAUGHTER"

• Favorite color: Yellow
• Favorite animals: Hamster, dolphin, dogs, turtles and butterflies. (How adorable hehe)
• .....I don't remember the name but I think she likes anime!

Random quotes of Jennifer:

     Jennifer also has a tendency to come up with theories that make sense in her mind yet sometimes I can't understand. For example, here's the one she shared with me tonight on Facebook.

I like turtles because they're gentle and strong and they look cute...and soft...lol

Walruses without tusks can be very adorable, especially if they're intelligent!

I'm scared of blood in the dark because when the light is on you might find yourself all bloody which is rlly terrifying.

1. They say Julius Caesar was a great, admire man but why are there so many female names starting with 'JULl'? like "Juliet" in Romeo and Juliet, or "Julianne" or "Julie" it's kind of disgusting imagining Caesar as Juliet....

Oh, and the fact that his subordinates killed him, yes, he must have been so loved and popular, enough that his subordinates wanted to murder him

     And another one....

2. I think that penguins were named penguins because they're ram rod straight like Pens...this is random but yeah...and before, pens only had BLACK ink and most penguins are black...

And another one...

3. Mice like cheese because they can sharpen their teeth on it.

Haha, that last one is my favorite! Anyways, check out some of Jennifer's artwork and photography at http://cheezcakelover.deviantart.com/ 

I love random life

      Everyday at school the most awkward things happen. Such as today, I was standing there in art, next to my frienemy. She said something about looking stunning in the moonlight. Right as this extremely attractive guy walked past I said "YOU look stunning in the moonlight!" I think he thought I was talking to him but truth is he probably does look stunning in the moonlight.

     I haven't posted in sooo long because I've been really busy with school and stuff. I think I've lost some readers because my stats have dropped. What I do need to write about is a character that Steak Sauce and I made up named Kimberly the Forest Lady. And some other random stories from my life.

      I also want to share the poems I have wrote for my English assignments. They are actually kind of stupid, but one of them is extremely melodramatic and I'm proud of it.  I think I will share drawings too so check back to see other things and such...

Brands I love. They really work, too!

     Sometimes it's hard finding brands that actually do their job and have the quality they claim to have. Here are a few beauty products that I highly recommend. Give them a try!

1. Dry skin? I use Vaseline cocoa butter deep conditioning body lotion. Find it at Walmart. This stuff keeps your skin soft and smelling good for quite a while. And it makes your skin glow.

2. For acne... Oxy maximum face wash is the best product I have used. It it Benzoyl peroxide and works really well at clearing breakouts. It comes in 2% Benzoyl peroxide and 10%. If you have bad acne but not too sensitive skin, use 10%.

3. Covergirl Lash Blast mascara. It can get kinda spendy but it doesn't clump up at the ends and it adds so much volume to my eyelashes that my eyes look like spiders... Although, I do have pretty long eyelashes.

4. Maybeline Unstoppable water proof eyeliner. This eyeliner doesn't make a print below my eyebrow when I blink and it actually stays where it is supposed to. I get mine at Shopco.

5. Tattooed by Inky perfume. I got my first bottle of this at a street vendor in China Town, NY. The guy said it was originally $75  but I bought it for $15. Then when I came back to my home town and ran out of it, I found it at Big Lots for like $4.50. I'm not sure if it was on sale but I love it! My favorite scents out of the ones I have smelled are Tattooed for women (pink bottle) and Koi (gold bottle).

  

Chocolate...

     After a recent trip to the dentist, I think it's obvious why I had to get 3 fillings. Like most girls, I would strangle a priest, and run from here to the dark and soggy swamps of Uruguay and back for chocolate. That is, if Uruguay has dark and soggy swamps... I have no idea, I barely passed my geography class last year.

     After I picked out all the chocolate bits from our bag of trail mix, there is now NO chocolate whatsoever. This is what I look like right now:

     That is why boyfriends get their girlfriends chocolate. 1. So they're better looking than the creative, humorous, and scary picture above and 2. When girls eat chocolate. They forget everything and love their boyfriend again after a horrible fight.

    When I eat chocolate, it's like skipping through an field of pink and yellow akulekules (The pretty flower below) at sunset.

And just before the sun goes down, a hyppogriff (those creepy bird things from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban) comes to me. I climb on and fly away to wherever the hyppogriff's heart desires ♥.  We soar over an endless type of some sort of body of water and then I fall off and land on a cloud. There, I lay stuffed with fattening, sugary, heaven in my belly.
And I live happily ever after. The end.

I love everything about chocolate. I could chug like 8 gallons of chocolate milk and want more.